1.33 Maitri karuna mudita upeksanam sukha duhkha punya apunya visayanam bhavanatah cittaprasadanam
By constant feelingful thinking of friendliness, compassion, complacency, end equanimity in happiness and misery, virtue and vice, the chitta becomes pure
Some of my changed impressions about love come through age and marriage, but a lot has come from changing my overall perception towards love. Yoga has taught me about love. Even though, yoga does not speak of love with sole reference to the love between man and woman, but talks of universal love towards mankind. Yoga Sutra 1.33.
The relationships, the mind becomes purified by cultivating feelings of friendliness towards those who are happy, compassion for those, who are suffering, goodwill towards those who are virtuous and indifference towards those we perceive as wicked or evil.
Maitri (Friendliness) towards those who are happy. Your spouse become your partner, your lover, your sweetheart, and many other cute names that shared between the two of you. Often the value of friendliness lost after a short time of marriage. Friendliness means inclined to help or support. For example:
- be warm and approachable
- we appreciate strangers, we help them, we thank them
- we are welcoming someone into our house with the smile, offering coffee etc.
- we are not invisible, we matter
So, be inclined to help, support your spouse. If you can do with strangers and your friends, why not towards your partner?! Be inviting and share a little of yourself. Ask your spouse/partner, “Want to play with me?” Embrace the value of friendliness in your marriage/ relationship, best friend is right next to you. Being happy for someone is easy enough, but being happy for someone when their happiness at the expense of your own or when they are happy and you are sad is much harder. In relationships that often happened, your partner get raise, while you still have no job, or free ticket to Paris for one))) Be friendly!!
Karuna (Compassion). Its easy and often rewarding to help a loved one when they are sick. What if this illness is long-term? What if that mean you need to cancel your holidays? Selfishly thinking of ones own plans and needs will only harm your relationship. How does compassion strengthen my marriage?
First of all, I learned it from my husband. Compassion is important! He doesnt think to be compassionate, he just is)) He always show me compassion, and it really helps me feel more at ease. I dont feel like I am trying to prove myself or live to some ridiculous standards, or pretend that everything is always perfect. My husband always shows more concern for me than for himself. If dinner is not there, lets order. House not clean, its ok we will do it together. Discouragement with my imperfect self, he always say I love you. His compassion strengthen me, which in turn strengthen my love, trust and compassion for him.
Some ways that I show my compassion))) When he is worrying or upset – I listen and appreciate his feelings; when he tired, I tried to help him relax; when we disagree, I try to understand his side. We need to remember to love, the way they are, our partners. We must listen to them, because compassion is about having empathy, pity and concern. Do something. Act. Show it.
Mudita (Goodwill). We all appreciate those who do good. Perhaps it is a guilt at our own luck of effort, sometimes negative feelings of jealousy and envy arise when we see people acting in a simple virtuous way. Try to be inspired. When a family travels together, conflict often arises, that fosters stress and irritation. Try to avoid speak negatively in front of others, especially kids. Gift and receiving gifts are always is a source of tension. Different expectations of giving and receiving. If you both understand, that each of you not plotting ways to provoke, then the cycle of criticism and hurt feelings can be avoided.
Upekshanam (Acceptance). Certain facts are easily accepted in life, for example: sun, crying baby. When it comes to the spouse/ partner – our willingness to accept things the way they are quickly disappears. We will go through common complaints))) nu hugs, no kisses – have to ask; toilet sit is always up, why cant you put it down; less yoga or no talking about yoga)))
Spouse/ partner has traits that kind of irritate you, maybe really annoying you. So, you are asking your partner to change, you pleaded or threatened)). In a short time, you saw the change, than it back to old habits. What to do? You can choose to remove yourself from the problem or you can choose to remove your spouse/partner from the problem. You can choose to accept the current reality and learn to adapt. Just dont stay in abusive relationship! Dont accept that!
Acceptance cant be earned. Its given. Embrace it within you. 3 parts of Acceptance:
- Approved. No special conditions required.
- Compelling recognition. Accept both strength and weaknesses, they go together.
- Believable as True. When your spouse/ partner tells you something, dont challenge it. If they believe something is true, accept it.
When you embrace the value of Acceptance, then you build trust and confidence into your relationship. By developing these traits in relationship, we are able to build strong , stable and blissful relationships. They are fun too, I promise to you)))
Be the change! Love and Light!