“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself.” ―Marcus Aurelius
My favorite quote of an amazing Rome emperor…read again and again..think about it!
Why do we gossip?
To feel superior – People who don’t feel good about themselves feel better when they judge others negatively.
Out of boredom – When people can’t make interesting discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can bring people’s interest.
Out of envy – People gossip in order to hurt those whose popularity, talents, or lifestyle they envy.
To feel like part of the group – People gossip to feel as they belong to the group.
For attention – A person gets to be the center of attention for some time while divulging a piece of gossip.
Out of anger or unhappiness – A person can derive a sense of retribution with disparaging remarks.
I think many people who read my article, can see themselves in one of those why do we gossip? However, sometimes we want to help the person about whom we do gossip. W e think that we help but in reality its just a gossip, and after you feel empty, with a bad taste of bad apple.
Today I decided it’s time to create a new yogic practice in my life when I find myself engaging in conversation which waivers toward the “gossip” word. Aren’t we are the change in this world that we want to see? Lets start from ourselves first)))
1. Catch yourself
When you find yourself repeating a name over and over again in a story, stop after the second repeat (even if it’s another story). Now ask yourself how bringing this up is making the world better?
2. Pause for a moment and take some time to think about that person
What is at the root of the problem there? Could you be so annoyed by it because it’s familiar to you and might be a practice you are guilty of, too?
3. Look for a solution to the real problem
If you find that someone is constantly making hard your world in a way that doesn’t feel positive to you anymore, can you remove that person from your life? If it’s your relatives or laws maybe not, but how can you work through or around this challenge?
4. Don’t let stories get out of control
If this person is someone who is going to be in your life for a very long time, it’s important that you don’t let the stories become just that—stories.
Look at what’s important in that moment, focus on that, and let the gossip roll away.
5. If you absolutely must talk about this person, give yourself a time limit
Look at the watch. Tell the story in one to two minutes. Wrap it up. Change the topic.
Doesn’t that feel good just thinking about it?)))
Even under the best of motives, gossip almost always does damage to the relationship that we can never completely undo. Consider some of these life-complicating dangers of gossip:
- Damaged Relationships. When we learn that a friend has passed on a rumor about us – true, but confidential information – it always does damage to the relationship. The same is true when you are the one passing on the gossip.
- Trust is destroyed. It is virtually impossible to restore complete trust in a person who has shared your secrets with another. And it is vey difficult to trust someone who has just shared with you someone else‘s secrets.
- Adds unnecessary complexity. If you’ve ever told a secret that you don’t want somebody else to pass along, you know exactly what unnecessary complexity is. Gossip adds the nagging worry that word will make it back to the person or spread beyond our control.
- Devalues the relationship in front of you. Intimate, personal details about a person who is not there always removes you from your present reality and transports you somewhere else. Not only does it distract you from the relational opportunity in front of you, it puts you squarely in the middle of a personal scenario where you do not belong.
One important ingredient to simplify our lives is to avoid gossip at all costs.
Be the change! Love and Light!